You know it's going to be a bad day when...
1. You return from a vacation & discover a new name on your mailbox.
2. You stop at Motel 6 & they turn off the lights!
3. Your boss tells you not to bother taking off your coat.
4. You jump out of bed in the morning, & you miss the floor.
5. The bird singing outside your bedroom window is a buzzard.
6. You wake up in the morning, & your dentures are locked together.
7. Your horn accidentally gets stuck, & you're following a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
8. You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
9. You walk to work on a summer morning & find the bottom of your dress is tucked into the back of your hose.
10. You call your answering service, & they tell you it's none of your business.
11. Your income tax check bounces.
12. You put your bra or your athletic supporter on backwards & it fits better.
13. You step on your scale & it flashes, "Tilt, Tilt, Tilt."
14. The Suicide Prevention Hotline puts you on hold.
15. As the moving van starts to unload next door, the first four items down the ramp are dirt bikes.
16. Your pacemaker is recalled by the manufacturer.
17. Your church treasurer says, "The IRS called about some of your donations."
18. Your brakes go out just as a patrolman motions for you to pull over.
19. The university where you've willed your body to science calls to say they'd rather not wait.
20. You call the suicide prevention hotline & Dr. Kevorkian answers.