"Not Me!" Monday

Oh dear, it's been quite the week around here! We've been up to a lot of things, but here are some things that I most definitely have NOT been up to!

I did not serve my three oldest children leftover McDonalds for breakfast one morning because I was too tired to find them something else to eat. I also did not intentionally delay breakfast three days over the past week in order to feed my children brunch because I was too lazy to make three meals each day. I always feed my children three, balanced meals per day.

There is no way that I got SO thirsty after grocery shopping that I had to drink some OJ directly out of the carton while sitting at a stoplight. I would never do something so disgusting as that!

I did not encourage my children to participate in "pajama day" more days than I care to mention. We are neat and orderly in this house and we most certainly do NOT just sit around in our PJs all day long. Nope, not us!

There is no way that I somehow managed to go four days without taking a shower - "broken" water heater or not. That would be nasty. And I would never do that. Ever.

When writing a 'thank you' card out for the owner of my husband's workplace (who sent us flowers after Savannah was born), I did not spell the owner's first name wrong. My husband has worked there for almost 6 years and there no is reason for me to ever do something like that. So of course...I didn't.

I most certainly did not drink three large fountain Cokes in a 36-hr period. I care about my body way more than that!

While going over my to-do list for the day, I definitely didn't add things to the list that I had already completed just to make it look like I had gotten more things done with my day. I never do things like that. And I certainly don't do it on a regular basis! No way!

I did not just write a few things that actually took place weeks ago but have been sitting in my "Not Me!" Monday draft since then just to add more items to my "Not Me!" list. I never do that.

And finally....I don't care what you've heard about this....but it absolutely isn't true that I found my 2 year old daughter in the pack 'n play bassinet WITH my 3 week old baby! But you know, if that had happened, it surely wouldn't have been because I was going to get (none other than) a diaper out of the bathroom to change a certain someone. A certain someone who was directed to stay in MY bed. Not transition into the pack 'n play.

For more "Not Me!" Monday fun, head on over to MckMama's blog!

"Not Me!" Monday

Just pretend I live on the west coast. Well, and then pretend it's about an hour earlier. There! Now we have no qualms about the timing of this "Monday" post. :)

It's time for the (almost) weekly edition of "Not Me!" Monday! I just know you're as excited as I am. So let's get started...

This week, I did not forget to make dinner every single stinkin' day. Because, you know, I'm pretty sure that's not even possible. Not even for a pregnant woman with 3 toddlers running around her house.

My husband and I, being the UNselfish parents that we are, did not tell our children they couldn't go out and ride their bikes one evening simply because it was so hot and we were too lazy to prepare for what would have been the inevitable bathtime to follow. We always ALWAYS think about our children first.

There is no way that while I was sitting in bed w/ my laptop, I reached over for a Kleenex, dropped my cell phone off my nightstand and proceeded to nearly fall out of bed trying to retrieve it. I am not that lazy that I wouldn't just set the laptop aside and pull my legs out of bed to get it.

I did not go through the McDonalds drive-thru wearing a Colts t-shirt and, when asked if I was ready for the season to start, totally pretend that I actually care about football (and more specifically, the Colts) just so the drive-thru guy (who was clearly a die-hard fan) wouldn't have his sweet, football-lovin' heart crushed by some stupid girl who happened to have just pulled out a t-shirt from the closet that, amazingly, still fits her.

I also did not just put in that last paragraph about something that actually happened at least a month ago and pretend it happened last week just so I would have something to write about. Because I would never do that.

While attending game night last weekend, I did not seriously pull out my bright green t-shirt spouting the words "I am not a model. I just look like one." and wear it. In public. Even though that shirt is strictly a home shirt only (and I honestly don't remember where it came from), there is no way that I found it just too funny for a 34-week pregnant woman to be wearing such a shirt and therefore, had to wear it. Again, in public.

I did not break down and cry about 5,947,227 times about various things that probably matter to absolutely NOBODY else in the whole world. Because pregnant woman don't do that sort of thing. Ever.

And speaking of things I never do, and therefore naturally didn't do this week either....

I did not raise my hands to the Lord while singing loudly in my car on the way to my last doctor's appointment, even though the entire world might have thought I was trying to give them some sort of hand signal through my front windshield. I never do bizarre things like that, especially if the words to the song I'm singing (or rather, not singing - ehem) start out with "We stand and lift up our hands..."

And finally....after kind of looking forward to it (although seriously wondering if I would have the energy to do it), I did not miss a (probably) fun night out with some girlfriends simply because - are you ready for this? - I totally forgot. As I've mentioned about a bazillion times, I DO NOT forget things that are important, that I'm looking forward to, or that really matter. Why? Because, you guessed it, pregnant woman do NOT do those sorts of things. Even if they've been reminded twice in the same day.

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Ahh, well I feel better now. :) Head on over to MckMama's blog, My Charming Kids, for more Not Me! Monday posts!

"Not Me!" Monday

Since I didn't participate in "Not Me!" Monday last week and since last week MckMama hosted a "Not My Child!" Monday instead of the regular "Not Me!" Monday, this week will be a combination of both.

(And, sidenote: While we're talking about MckMama, please pray for her son Stellan. I've posted about him in the past and the 'Pray for Stellan' button in my sidebar is devoted to him. He has been out of the hospital for a few months now but went back in for some experimental drug treatment since the combination of drugs he has been on doesn't seem to be working any longer. Since being admitted, his condition has gone downhill. Way downhill. Please pray for him and his family. You can find details on his mommy's blog.)

Ok, now back to "Not Me!" Monday....

After spending the morning at the park one day and doing laundry the next, I most certainly did not find a small pile of pebbles at the bottom of my washing machine. My children would never steal rocks from the park and then keep them in their pockets for me to later find in the washer.

I definitely did not burst out laughing when my son exclaimed yesterday on the way home from church, "Hey, look at those hot dogs growing over there!" while pointing at the cattails in a nearby ditch. I would never harm my child's self-esteem by laughing directly in front of them at something they don't know about yet.

I did not fret and hide my left hand all weekend (or be sure to explain the situation to all within hearing range) because I was sure I looked like a statistic (single pregnant mom) everywhere I went without my rings on. While dropping them off at the jeweler's to get a new layer of rhodium (shiny stuff) on them, I did not consider asking the jeweler why they don't offer one-size-bigger-than-normal "loaners" to pregnant moms, so they could still appear married even if their fingers were each the size of a small boulder. Or if they just wanted to send their rings in to get shiny-ized again. I am not that concerned about my image!

My husband and I certainly did not take advantage of my mom's babysitting offer and leave the kids with her all day long on Saturday. Just because we could. We also did not go out to lunch, then get ice cream at Coldstone, and then buy popcorn and soda for our movie because we are not gluttons. We always stop eating as soon as we are full and never spend money on "date food" three times in one day. That would just be wasteful! And speaking of wasteful, we definitely didn't stop and get more popcorn on the way out of the theater just because there were free refills. And even if we had, we certainly would have eaten it all right away and not left it on our counter for 2 days until it got stale.

While stopping by Motherhood Maternity the other day and attempting to purchase a few nursing bras before the baby actually arrives, when the very young, obviously-never-had-children attendant asked how they fit, I did not go into a lengthy dissortation about how frustrating it is that bra companies can't seem to figure out that you can't use the same pattern for a size A cup as you can for a size E cup. I did not feel the need to tell her that making the pattern bigger is not the answer but rather making an entirely different cut might solve the problem. I never offer my full range of thoughts on issues when asked a simple question because I know there are boundaries. And therefore, the very young, obviously-never-had-children attendant who was now looking rather sheepish did not feel the need to mention that another woman said she had found a better bra at Walmart. (Go figure.)

And finally... there is no way I completely forgot to attend a party for a friend of mine who is in town from Brazil for a few weeks. I am always tack sharp when it comes to things like that! Oh, and did I mention that I always write everything on my calendar? Yep, cuz I don't want to miss a thing!

Normally, this is where I'd link you over to MckMama's "Not Me!" Monday post but considering she is spending time in the hospital with her sweet baby right now, I don't know if she'll be posting an edition this week or not. But you can always check here and if I see a post, I'll link to it later.

Happy Monday, everyone!

Not Me! Monday

Last week was hot. SO. HOT. And when you're pregnant, everything feels about 10 degrees warmer than it actually is. So to me, it was like 100 degrees outside. Therefore, I certainly did not refuse to take my kids outside to play. I know how important it is for children to be able to get out and run around every day, so there is no way I would refuse their sweet little pleas all week just because I was roasting.

I am not the mother who fed her children only bagels for lunch one day, promising them a large dinner later. As I've said before, balanced meals are a priority in this family. And that's why, even if I had only given them bagels - which of course, I would never do - they would have been raisin bagels. You know, to get in at least two food groups.

I did not realize while writing up my Master Grocery List that I have been spelling the word "margarine" wrong for 24 years. I paid absolute attention in school and would never make a mistake like that. Over and over again.

I like to blame things on my pregnancy, be that a valid reason or not. But at least I didn't have to blame the fact that I completely forgot to plan one single meal last week on my pregnancy, because I would never do that. I always take care to plan a healthful meal each and every night for my family and always have it ready when my husband gets home from work. Because I'm a good wife like that.

When my husband came home from work several days last week smelling like...well...smelling, there is no way that I nearly gagged each time and insisted that he immediately head upstairs and take a shower before coming anywhere near me. I love my husband no matter what and would never refuse to give him a kiss even if he smelled like a sweat bomb. And even if I might throw up afterward.

To read about all the things lots of other people didn't do this week, head on over to MckMama's blog and check out the links!

"Not Me!" Monday

In general, I dread Mondays. It's the day my husband goes back to work for the week. It's the day my kids tend to be ridiculously wound up. And it's the day I oftentimes wake up WAY too tired to function. The house is usually a mess and I'm so exhausted I don't even want to think about cleaning it.

Yes, Mondays are definitely not my favorite day. But I will say that, since blogging "Not Me!" Mondays...my Mondays are just a tiny bit more favorable. I mean, they're still my least favorite day of the week by far, but...I'm just sayin'.

Last week, I definitely did not let my clean laundry sit out on the laundry table for 4 whole days rather than just putting it away. I also didn't leave all our trip luggage and baggage lying around the house, some of it unopened and unpacked for the duration of the week.

I did not eat about 10 pieces of peanut butter pie in 5 days just because it was in the fridge. I have way more self control than that!

I definitely did not skip the free cookies at the grocery store - even though my kids behaved like angels - just because I hate the mess they make all over my kids' clothes, the cart, etc. I would never deprive my children of something so tasty solely because of a teensy little mess!

My husband and I did not laugh hysterically while our three young'ns ran around my studio this weekend, trying on various scarves (props I have lying around) and looking - and acting - rather silly. And I certainly don't have any pictures to prove it!

Nope! None of that ever happened at our house!

Speaking of our house, there is absolutely no way that my daughter wet her bed one afternoon during her nap and I completely failed to change her sheets for like....4 days. That would just be way too disgusting for something I would do! (To rest your fears, the sheets have indeed been changed now!) :)

I'm linking this up to MckMama's "Not Me!" Monday post, so head over there for more funny things nobody did this week!

Not Me! Monday

Since I was on vacation all last week, laziness was at its peak and therefore there should be plenty to blog about for today. However, I generally blog my "Not Me!" posts as the week goes on so I don't have to try to recall everything on Mondays. BUT...because I was on vacation, I wasn't near my laptop all the time so I wasn't able to do that. So we'll see what I can recollect for this week's edition. :)

I definitely did not steal the password for the hotel's wireless internet when we arrived on the island since I thought it was ridiculous that they wanted me to sit in the lobby to use my laptop when I had a perfectly comfortable room upstairs. And besides, they shouldn't have had it sitting out on their check-in countertop in perfect view of anyone who might be looking....regardless of the fact that it was "technically" in their territory. Because I'm not a thief, I certainly don't need to justify my actions by telling you that if I had even once chosen to use my laptop in the lobby, they would have freely given me the password and I would have had it for the remainder of our stay anyway.

And speaking of internet usage, my husband and I surely did not sit in the parking lot of a Country Inn and Suites, search Hotwire for a local hotel, and book it using Country Inn's wireless internet service. I would never participate in something so heinous as internet-stealing and would also never congratulate my husband on such a frugal idea.

There is no way that, while driving home yesterday, I became so annoyed with the people who failed to get into the right lane after having SIXTY MILES NOTICE (no exaggeration) that the left lane would be closing and thereby were causing a THIRTY-MINUTE DELAY that I drove in the middle of the two lanes, thereby making it very difficult for traffic to pass me on the left. I in no way would ever do such a thing. And since I wouldn't ever do anything like that, I also didn't notice that other respectable people (who had been driving in the right lane for miles, I might add) were catching on and doing the same thing to prevent others from continuing to pass in the left lane.

And finally, I definitely did not watch a chipmunk jump sporatically around the yard due to what I can only imagine was some sort of poison-induced state of mind. I certainly did not discuss different ways we could put it out of its misery while watching it slowly die. And after it died, there is no way I laughed about taking it to the church's animal blessing service I read about in the local paper, all dressed up in a tiny chipmunk suit (think Jerry of Tom and Jerry) and lying peacefully in a red velvet chipmunk casket. Because you know, I am such an animal rights person!

"Not Me!" Monday!

Well, it's time again for another "Not Me!" Monday! post! (I bet ya didn't know I could use 3 exclamation points right in a row like that, did ya?) I'm actually on vacation right now and really wrote this post last week, so there will be no linking to MckMama's specific post, but you can visit her blog to find her "Not Me" Monday Mr. Linky collection if you'd like to read more.
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Last week, my husband and I (well, mostly my husband) built a shelf and installed it into our laundry "room" (aka closet). While doing said task, we certainly did not put our 3 toddlers to bed at approximately 9.30pm, 10.20pm, and 11pm just so we wouldn't awaken them with the sound of the electric screwdriver. Our children are always in bed before 8pm, (Well, that's actually pretty true. They are almost always in bed before 8pm.) so we would never do something like that.

I definitely did not spend a good portion of the day Tuesday thinking that it was Monday. P.S. Thank you, veterans and current military persons, for all your service!

I did not spend an entire van ride home from the store thinking that I might actually crap my pants. Because I had not been so lenient as to not pay attention to what I was eating at Panera Bread and ate WAAYY too much cheese in one sitting. And while driving home, I certainly did not become so desperate as to call a friend of mine to see if I could borrow her toilet to, ya know....borrow, so I wouldn't have to clean out my pants 10 minutes later. I was also not in the least bit somewhat ecstatic to know that she wasn't home and therefore didn't answer the phone to hear me panting my desperate pleas. (I did make it home by the way, and - pun intended - by the seat of my pants!)

There is no way I encouraged my children to watch way too many movies last week while I packed for our vacation (and blogged ahead for this week) instead of standing nearby and coaching them as they diligently practiced their letters and numbers and did a host of other highly educational activities in order to further their little minds.
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Please let me know what you think of these "Not Me!" Monday! posts. Not that it matters. I think they may have taken the place of my previously favorite day of the week (Foto Friday!) in terms of blogging, so I'm likely going to keep them up regardless of what you think. But I do want to know how you feel about them. Really, I do. :)

"Not Me!" Monday! (Sshh, I know it's really Tuesday.)

A few months ago, I started reading MckMama's blog, My Charming Kids. You probably noticed the "Praying for Stellan" button go up on the side of the blog as I followed along on her journey through weeks and weeks in the hospital with her precious baby. (You can visit her blog to catch up on all that.)

MckMama and Stellan are now home and she is back to her regular blogging. Each Monday she hosts "Not Me" Monday, which is basically a really sarcastic version of explaining all the things that you would never want to admit you do each week.

Since sarcasm is right up my alley, I thought I might try my hand at participating! There are about a million and one links from her blog to others' "Not Me" Monday posts, so if you enjoy mine and want to read more...well, you're out of luck today. I was going to suggest that you head on over to MckMama's "Not Me!" Monday post and click on some Mr. Linky links, buuutt....I'm guessing because of the holiday, she did not post one this week. Or at least, she thinks that today is actually Monday, just like I keep thinking, and so it's going up today.

Either way, get used to the "Not Me" Monday posts because I have a really good time writing them! :)

Ok, so here goes....

Last week, I certainly did not allow my children to watch 2 straight hours of PBS while I napped on the floor among them, completely -- I mean, um....somewhat -- unaware of what was going on in the house.

I definitely did not make and eat almost an entire one of these, nor did I substitute that for several meals throughout the course of the week. I also most certainly did not eat way too many Oreos one afternoon rather than eating a complete lunch.

I did not feed my children ONLY grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch one day - no veggies, no fruit, no nothing else. I would never do something like that! I always offer well-balanced meals 3 times a day. No exceptions.

There is no way I left the kitchen a complete disaster one evening and instead spent a whopping 3 hours surfing the net. Because you know, that would just be irresponsible.

I did not drop 3 different items in approximately 1 minute when at church on Sunday. Pregnant women never drop things. You should know this already.

And speaking of church, I definitely did not totally start crying on the way to church just because a song on the radio reminded me of a sweet friend and her darling little girl who is now spending all her days with Jesus. I am not that emotional. And because I didn't start crying on the way to church, I also didn't have to wonder how in the world to make my mascara look remotely like it had been "uncried" with just moments before walking into the church. I also didn't wonder if said friend carries around mascara for these very moments and didn't ponder if, perhaps, I should consider doing the same thing. Since, you know, I'm not that emotional.

Alright, that's all I've got for you on this, my very FIRST, "Not Me" Monday (even though it's actually Tuesday). Hope you enjoyed it! :)