Weekend Worship - Modesty, Part 4

First of all...Happy Mother's Day to all you moms! I hope you are having a wonderful day! I was very blessed to have my parents visit this weekend so I got to spend part of Mother's Day with my mom.

This week will conclude my 4-week series on modesty. I hope you have gleaned some new information or have refreshed your mind about how to dress modestly and instruct the young ladies around you to dress modestly. As I mentioned last week, I want to post something this week that was written by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. She has several articles and books about modesty along with a great number of other topics. I recently attended a Bible study where we used her book "Seeking Him". It was the most fantastic study I've ever done! I also just started reading "Lies Women Believe", which is also excellent! I highly recommend her books to anyone who is interested in delving into a deeper relationship with the Lord.

Anyway, this particular article is called "Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: The Decision to Live Your Life for God's Glory".

There's no question about it. The decision to live your life for God's glory will require some tough choices. It will probably take more time to shop, and your clothing may actually cost a little more. You may not look as cool or "in" as you would like, and sometimes you just might have to stand out in a crowd as someone who is different. But remember, you are different. You have a different citizenship and you were bought with a costly price!

As you evaluate your wardrobe, you'll need courage to ask specific, practical questions:

• Is there writing (or picture) on my clothing that emphasizes private parts of my body?
• If someone were to look at me, where would their eyes naturally go - to my face, eyes, hips, thighs, breasts, etc?
• Where do I want men looking when I come into view?
• Is the fabric that I'm wearing too sheer?
• Could someone see through it to private parts of my body?
• Am I wearing tight, form-fitting clothes?
• Do my pants fit correctly?
• Are my pants too tight? Do they cling to the hips, thighs, etc.?
• Am I wearing anything provocative?

As you examine individual items in your wardrobe, stand in front of a mirror. Bend forward and ask yourself, "Can I see private parts that a man (other than my husband, if you're married) shouldn't see?" If the answer is "yes," you are dressed immodestly. Look from all angles - front, back, and sides - while walking, sitting, moving, stretching, and bending. Remember, we often bend over to pick up packages or children, or to get into and out of a car. Ask yourself, "What will others notice and see? Where will others' attention be drawn - toward breasts, hips, thighs, etc.? Why do I want to wear this outfit? Why do I like this style?" Your heart attitude is key here. Ask the Lord to help you represent Him well. Ask for a teachable, open, obedient heart. If you're married, ask your husband to help you understand what your clothes and appearance communicate to men. Ask him if your clothing is modest. If you're not married, ask your father or old woman these same questions. Modesty Resolutions Prayerfully consider, "Am I truly modest - according to God's standard?" Then determine to be a woman after God's own heart. Do you desire for your appearance to reveal a modest, godly heart? If so, here are seven choices I'd like to challenge you to make:

"Your clothing should be tight enough to show that you're a woman, but loose enough to show that you're a lady!"

1. Resolve to live to please God and to bring Him glory.
2. Yield (dedicate) your body to God. Say, "Lord, this body belongs to You."
3. Resolve to be modest because that's what pleases God.
4. Resolve to be pure (inwardly and outwardly).
5. Resolve never to dress in a way that could tempt men to have lustful thoughts.
6. Be willing to stand against the culture when it's contrary to God's Word and ways.
7. Be humble and open to the input of others.

Remember that it's possible to have a modest outward appearance while having the heart of a Pharisee (critical, self-righteous, and judgmental toward those who do not see things the way you do). Modesty doesn't mean that you have the corner on truth. Give God room and time to work in the lives of other people - don't say "Because I see it that way, that's how it should be." Remember, you're not the Holy Spirit.

Ask God to help you communicate modesty to others in a winsome way. Speak truth with a tender heart, compassion, and love. Make the truth as attractive as possible.

The Blessings of Modesty
Modesty is something good, desirable, and precious. There are many blessings you can experience as a result of modesty. They include:

• Peace: You'll know that you are obedient to God.
• Power: You'll be free from enslavement to fashion, fads, and others' opinions.
• Protection: You'll be guarded from the wrong kind of attention from the wrong kind of men. (Dressing modestly doesn't guarantee that "the wrong kind of men" will never give you unwanted attention, but it sure helps!)
• Purity: You'll attract the right kind of attention from the right kind of guys.
• Privilege: You'll experience great freedom in marriage as your body is reserved only for your husband.
• Praise: You'll be valued for spiritual and heart qualities more than physical characteristics.

© Revive Our Hearts. Used with permission. www.ReviveOurHearts.com
Info@ReviveOurHearts.com

Last week, I promised a list of resources to be used for researching modesty, so here it is:

Christian Books:

Becoming a Woman of Discretion in a Sensual World
by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

The Look - Does God Really Care What I Wear?
by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

For Women Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Men
by Shaunti Feldhahn

Home Invasion: Protecting Your Family in a Culture That's Gone Stark Raving Mad
by Rebecca Hagelin

Secular Books:

A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue
by Wendy Shalit

Girls Gone Mild: Young Women Reclaim Self-Respect and Find It's Not Bad to Be Good
by Wendy Shalit

Christian Websites:

Revive Our Hearts

4 Women Only

Pure Fashion

The Rebelution Blog

Secular Websites:

Girls Gone Mild

Modesty Zone

Resource List compiled by Barbara Hult

Stay tuned for upcoming Weekend Worship topics like "You Don't Have to Sin for God's Plan to Succeed", "The Liberal Christian", and "Where Have All the Bibles Gone?"!

Weekend Worship - Modesty, Part 3

Sorry I am late posting this. My intention was to watch a movie with my hubby last night and then get to work blogging, but things didn't turn out as I had planned when I fell asleep on the couch and didn't wake up until after 1am. Anyway, this week I want to continue my series on modesty. I think I said last week that I was only going to do one more post (making a total of 3), but I do believe there will be yet another one after this week. So please bear with me. There is such a wealth of information on this topic and I don't want to miss anything crucial.

This week, I want to share something written by Trent Griffith. I don't know that I have much to say in addition to this message. When I read it, I though it seemed powerful enough on its own:

If I remember right, the year was 1985. As a pimple-faced high-school senior, I attended a Christian youth convention along with 7,000 other bundles of exploding hormones (otherwise known as teenagers). The keynote speaker was a young and impressive black preacher who held us on the edge of our seats with his high energy, constant motion, and vivid word pictures. His assignment that day was to call us to a life of moral purity. His passion for the subject was evidenced by the fact that with each point, his voice would raise an octave. At the climax of his message, he turned his attention toward the girls among us. Unhindered by what seemed like gravel on his vocal chords and sweat beads on his forehead, his voice crescendoed with a plea I will never forget: "IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO COME TO YOUR PARTY, THEN DON'T SEND ME AN INVITATION!"

Wow. Chew on that.

Next week, I will share an article written by Nancy Leigh DeMoss (one of my FAVORITE Christian authors) which will include, among other things, a checklist of specific, practical questions for evaluating your wardrobe. I will also be posting a list of resources about modesty.

Other parts of this series:

Part 1
Part 2

Weekend Worship - Modesty, Part 2

I had the pleasure of attending my brother-in-law's wedding this weekend. The weather was perfect! The food was great! But I felt terrible for my husband who surely had to avert his eyes at least a hundred times from the scantily clad women who attended. Perhaps it's just that I haven't been to a wedding lately or perhaps it's that I've grown more sensitive to this issue in the past several months. But ladies, if your boobs look like they could fall out of your top at any moment, you're dressing COMPLETELY inappropriately! I think some of these women would have been revealing less if they had been wearing a bathing suit! It was ridiculous!

I don't know if women don't realize what they are doing or if they realize it and actually want that sort of attention. But either way, it certainly doesn't measure up to God's standards.

When writing the book For Women Only, Shaunti Feldhahn interviewed 1,000 men and found remarkably similar results among all of them as far as how men relate to women. Men want to feel respected. They are haunted by romantic failures. It's difficult for them to "change gears". They enjoy it when their wife takes care of herself. But the most stunning discovery (in my opinion) that she made during these interviews was this:

Men have (what Shaunti calls) a "visual rolodex" in their brain. Any image of a beautiful/sexy woman is automatically logged into their brain the instant they see it (be it live, in a picture, or in a video). These images can be brought up at will or may just randomly pop into their minds. While this may appall you at first (if you're a woman), this is not a malfunction of a man. This is the way men were wired by their Creator. The key is protecting their eyes from seeing all the filth of the world and, if an inappropriate image should pop up, immediately willing it away by the power of the Holy Spirit.

In Every Man's Battle, the authors include several personal stories along with real letters from Christian men on the topic of sexual purity. I want to give you a glimpse of what these letters include so you can be aware of the kind of battle that men must fight with their eyes when women are not dressed appropriately. Men receive sexual gratification through their eyes. That is why it is SO important for us to be careful about what we wear! Remember, these are Christian men struggling with normal desires. As a warning, these personal accounts are somewhat graffic:

I never intentionally set out to be girl-watching that day, but I spotted her about two hundred yards ahead and to the left. She was jogging toward me along the coastal sidewalk. From my sheepskin-covered leather seat, I found the view outstanding, even by California's high standards. My eyes locked on to this goddesslike blonde, rivulets of sweat cascading down her tanned body as she ran at a purposeful pace. Her jogging outfit, if it could be called that in those days before sports bras and spandex, was actually a skimpy bikini. As she approached on my left, two tiny triangles of tie-dyed fabric struggled to contain her ample bosom. I can't tell you what her face looked like; nothing above the neckline registered with me that morning. My eyes feasted on this banquet of glistening flesh as she passed on my left, and they continued to follow her lithe figure as she continued jogging southbound. Simply by lustful instinct, as if mesmerized by her gait, I turned my head further and further, craning my neck to capture every possible moment for my mental video camera.

There was a (sexual) monster lurking about, and it surfaced each Sunday morning when I settled in my comfy La-Z-Boy and opened the Sunday morning newspaper. I would quickly find the department-store inserts and begin paging through the colored newsprint filled with models posing in bras and panties. Always smiling. Always available. I loved lingering over each ad insert. It's wrong, I admitted, but it's such a small thing. It was a far cry from Playboy, I told myself. I peered through the panties, fantasizing. Occasionally, a model reminded me of a girl I once knew, and my mind rekindled the memories of our times together. I rather enjoyed my Sunday mornings with the newspaper.

Alex remembers the time he was watching TV with his sister-in-law. The rest of the family was at the mall. "She was lying flat on her stomach on the floor in front of me, wearing tight shorts, and she'd fallen asleep watching TV. I was on the chair, and I happened to look down and see her upper thigh and a trace of her underwear. I tried to ignore it, but my heart started racing a little, and my eyes kept looking at the back of her upper thigh. It got so exciting that I began to stare and really lust. I had to release it somehow. I masturbated while she slept, right out in the open."

Do you see what we are doing to the men in our lives?! Women should be dressing in a way that is not causing a man to stumble. It's okay to dress attractively, but it's not okay to dress seductively. Since we know that men have a natural weakness in this area, we need to do everything possible to keep them from stumbling.

Now, I want to clarify that I am in NO way condoning a man's lustful behavior. Men need to train themselves to look away and "bounce their eyes" when an attractive woman is nearby. They need to keep themselves out of dangerous situations that they know may cause them to stumble. But at the same time, it is a woman's responsibility to clothe herself fully so as not to aid a man in this sin.

I think I will include one more week on this series next week. We'll see what I can scrounge up for that. :)

By the way, did any of you go through your closet this week and take a good look at your clothes??

Other parts of this series:

Part 1
Part 3

Weekend Worship - Modesty, Part 1

I had a GREAT time at the women's retreat for those of you who are wondering. It was a wonderful time to get away, relax, laugh, share, and develop ideas for a better relationship with my spouse, my kids, and my Jesus.

One of the things we discussed this weekend was the issue of modesty. Depending on where you live in the country, you may not see this as a very big issue or you may wish there was a dress code for women to go out in public. I have nothing against the coastal states, but in general, they tend to be less conservative in their attire. The Midwest and surrounding states tend to be a bit more conservative. However, as always, there are exceptions to every rule.

At any rate, modesty is an issue that is unfortunately lacking in our society, specifically in our church's curriculum. Young women are growing up completely uninformed. They do not understand the importance of modesty nor do they understand what modesty is.

What is modesty?

Dressing modestly is not about having a set of rules. It's not about setting a dress code. It's about the heart. I would define modesty as the desire to please the Lord in what one wears so as not to cause a man to stumble.

One of the specific things about which we talked at the retreat was the "good, better, best" idea. A woman can go shopping and find a shirt (or skirt/shorts/etc.) that she thinks is fairly modest. It might be a good choice. And there's an excellent chance (in today's society) that it's a better choice than lots of other shirts on the same rack. But is it the best choice? I am a Christian and therefore desire to please the Lord in all that I do - including how I dress. I don't want to be somewhat godly or even mostly godly; I want to be as godly as possible! Since what I wear affects my brothers (and sisters) in Christ, my wardrobe is therefore a part of my spiritual life.

Consider going through your closet this week and choosing the best items of clothing instead of just the good or even better ones.

I want to continue this topic next week because I believe this is something that needs to be addressed in today's culture, but I don't have time to elaborate tonight. (The retreat was nice, but it did exhaust me!) Next week, we will talk about why modesty is important, how men think, and what Christian men have to say about the way Christian women dress.

Other parts of this series:

Part 2
Part 3